| At one time or another we have all experiences a | | | | or with an addiction, then this step would involve |
| realization that a relationship we are in is just not | | | | removing the triggers from your environment. Begin a |
| healthy for us anymore. It could be with a mate, a | | | | journal that documents how you feel and what is going |
| friend, our body, or even food; however, the root of | | | | on when an urge hits. Notice it and observe the |
| this feeling is the same across the board. We think to | | | | emotion with a judgment free awareness. When you |
| ourselves, "This just doesn't serve me anymore." At | | | | journal enough of these triggers, you will notice a |
| one point, the relationship provided some level of | | | | pattern that will then empower you to find a more |
| happiness, but now the cons far outweigh the pros. | | | | positive outlet. You'll begin to have a heightened |
| This is where the crossroad lies. The choice we face | | | | awareness of any emotions just as they begin to |
| is simple: do we continue down this path because it is | | | | surface, and that is a defining moment! You now have |
| familiar and comfortable, OR do we take the road less | | | | the conscious decision to move forward in faith, or to |
| traveled, removing ourselves from an unhealthy | | | | step back into fear, doubt, and/or anxiety. |
| environment so that we can live a happier life? Before | | | | This is not easy, but it IS attainable. I have found that |
| you answer, let's take a look at the process of moving | | | | surrendering is one of the most helpful and powerful |
| on, which so often is filled with fear and holds us back. | | | | gifts you can give to yourself. So you are frustrated |
| Step 1: The realization. | | | | because you just left a relationship and you still have |
| Just the single realization that you need to make a | | | | feelings for him or her? Surrender to it! Who says you |
| change is a HUGE part of the process, and can | | | | need to hate them just because you aren't with them |
| provide some relief. You can't change what you aren't | | | | anymore? The temptation to dig in the freezer for |
| aware you need to change, right? So, once you can | | | | some Haagen Dazs is overwhelming? Surrender to |
| look at the situation objectively as a 3rd person, and | | | | the feeling (without going near the freezer!). After all, |
| say, "Hmm this is not a healthy situation," you have | | | | that is not who you are, that is who you were. You |
| already started to shift. The process is actually more | | | | are in the process of making new decisions and |
| mental than physical. Yes, we need to take action to | | | | creating new results! |
| make positive changes in our life, but the bigger hurdle | | | | Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. It is the |
| is getting our mind to agree to stick to the plan. We | | | | easiest and fastest way to get the emotion to actually |
| must know, with certainty, that this is the right thing for | | | | move through you and dissipate. What you resist will |
| us. Remember - the body is the servant of the mind, | | | | persist. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable and |
| not the other way around. You can "do" all kinds of | | | | acknowledge the steps you are taking, because this is |
| things, but the reality is, if your thoughts and your | | | | part of the process and reason to celebrate. Your |
| feelings are not 100% in alignment with what you are | | | | new life is rushing towards you at this very moment! |
| doing, you are going to end up right back in the same | | | | Congratulations! |
| spot. | | | | Step 4: Filling the void. |
| Step 2: Deciding what you DO want. | | | | So you have made it this far, you are clear on what |
| So you have decided that this is what you DON'T | | | | you want, you are beginning to heal any wounds, and |
| want. Now you have to decide what it is that you DO | | | | you are stepping forward in faith. Now what? |
| want. This sounds silly, but if you are going to remove | | | | It's time to start filling your life with new, healthy |
| something from your life, you MUST be clear about | | | | alternatives. Refer back to the description you wrote |
| what you want to replace it with. This new void is | | | | above of what it is that you do want. What steps can |
| going to get filled with something, much like a hole you | | | | you take now to begin putting that in place? Are there |
| dig in your backyard. In a short amount of time, nature | | | | certain places you can start going in order to meet |
| will fill it back up. 9 times out of 10, if you don't take the | | | | other people who want this as well? Groups you can |
| time to consciously choose what to replace it with, you | | | | join? This step is all about filling your environment with |
| risk ending up with another relationship that doesn't | | | | things that will help to reinforce this new vision that you |
| serve you any more than the first. This parallels the | | | | have for yourself. You must do the things that you |
| smoker that gives up smoking, but ends up overeating | | | | would do if this vision were already your reality right |
| to compensate because they didn't stop and make a | | | | now! Go to those places. Meet those people. Act in |
| conscious decision of what positive action they would | | | | that way. Think in that way. You must not only |
| take when the urge kicks up. | | | | reinforce in your mind that this is what you have |
| Take some alone time and really put thought into this. | | | | chosen, but you also to keep the doors open to allow |
| Write a clear description. I have a journal and I write | | | | it to flow into your life. |
| everything from my sleeping dreams to my intentions | | | | Step 5: Taking some time to grieve. |
| to brilliant words of wisdom that I come across. When | | | | Ok, even if there IS cause to celebrate, it's natural to |
| you commit this stuff to paper, it gains a life of its own, | | | | feel a little sad when we make this kind of a BIG |
| and is actually the first step in the creation process. It | | | | change. Our mind tends to revert to the good times in |
| becomes real and powerful. I tie this back to the whole | | | | our memory and want it back. We want to "fix" our |
| idea of getting clear in your mind what it is that you | | | | own pain and discomfort. We start to rationalize (ration |
| want. When we write it down, and think through it, our | | | | lies to the mind) that "oh, it wasn't so bad, maybe I'm |
| mind registers it and understands, "Ok, this is not just a | | | | expecting too much." Sadness is a natural human |
| foggy wish anymore, this is a very clear picture and | | | | emotion. We have it for a reason and we shouldn't |
| now I am more able to filter out the stuff that doesn't | | | | stifle it. As mentioned above, it's important to feel it, so |
| align with this intention." | | | | we can move through it. If we try to block it out, |
| Step 3: Remove yourself from the current situation. | | | | chances are it will return to wreck even more damage |
| This is the big gnarly monster that stands in the | | | | in later days and uglier ways. Choose a specific |
| doorway between the life we want and the life we | | | | amount of time to just allow yourself to grieve. Tune |
| are currently living. How many times do we allow this | | | | into the emotions for a short period of time so that |
| fear of the unknown to keep us stuck in a mediocre | | | | you can burn through them. |
| life? We are afraid of what we would have to face, | | | | This is also a great time for some self-examination. |
| change or possibly even fail at to get to where we | | | | What can you learn from this relationship, so that in the |
| want to be. | | | | future, you make healthier choices? Let go of regret, |
| It's ok to be afraid and to feel fear. However, the | | | | guilt, shame. This is not a time to judge yourself. I |
| difference between the people who are living a life of | | | | learned a long time ago that every single experience in |
| happiness and those that aren't, is that the happy | | | | our lives is there to teach us something. So look at the |
| people step up, face the monster, feel the fear, and | | | | situation objectively, from the 3rd person again, and |
| make a decision to pass through that doorway, no | | | | write out five or ten reasons why this relationship has |
| matter what! The reality is, all real change will bring up | | | | made you a stronger, better, and a savvier individual. |
| fear, doubt and anxiety; but, that is also where growth, | | | | What kind of lessons are you able to carry forward |
| success, and new results await us! | | | | that you can actually thank the other person, or |
| Happy people are the ones who know the secret: that | | | | situation, for? Even in the most painful experiences, |
| whenever you want to change something for the | | | | when we are willing, we can find blessings. This is why |
| better, you always have to go through something | | | | forgiveness is such a powerful practice. Once you can |
| uncomfortable, but on the other side lies bliss. I don't | | | | forgive yourself and release judgment, then you can |
| know about you, but I am willing to trade some | | | | find the beauty in the murk, so to speak. Then, and |
| discomfort for a life of bliss. And I have, and still do, on | | | | only then, can you face the situation and say thank |
| many occasions. | | | | you "for-giving" me that experience. That is true |
| I could list multiple examples from boyfriends and | | | | power! |
| friends, to how I have felt about myself or my living | | | | Note: This step may not be applicable for every |
| environment, to the future of my career and my | | | | circumstance, but if you need to take time to heal, |
| business. I have had to take this step with courage and | | | | make sure to take that time. |
| wisdom when I knew my current circumstances were | | | | Step 6: Be grateful. |
| not in alignment with my vision. I absolutely had to | | | | At this point, if you are truly following the steps listed |
| move on. I had to do what I knew was right for me | | | | above, you are going to be seeing a dramatic shift in |
| and the attainment of my goals. Don't expect other | | | | not only how you feel, but also what you are |
| people to understand. They may not support you. In | | | | experiencing in your life. Most likely, you will feel light |
| fact, even the most well meaning people could very | | | | years different and better. If not, then go back and |
| well discourage you and attempt to squelch your | | | | review Steps 1-5 and ask yourself if you are REALLY |
| hopes for a better life. Often times you will represent | | | | giving this everything you've got. |
| the courage they themselves do not have, so keep | | | | Now is the time to reflect on your new experiences |
| this in perspective. My certainty, that the benefit of | | | | and to be grateful for them. If you want to make a list |
| moving on was far greater and more powerful than | | | | of all the things you are grateful for in your life now, all |
| the fear holding me back, was what gave me the | | | | the better. The stronger the message you can send to |
| strength to charge forward! | | | | your mind that you are loving this new life, the stronger |
| How do I remove myself in order to move on? | | | | you will make those connections, and the more you will |
| Well, I think that the answer is fairly obvious, but one | | | | bring similar experiences into your life. |
| that we sometimes choose to block from our sight. In | | | | Now that you understand what is involved with moving |
| the case of a mate or friends, we simply stop hanging | | | | on, you can make a conscious decision on whether or |
| around the people who are unhealthy for us. If it is our | | | | not you need to remove yourself from an unhealthy |
| mate that is unhealthy for us, we sit down and have a | | | | relationship. |
| serious and honest discussion about our needs, values | | | | Avoidance can work for a little while, but sooner or |
| and goals. If their values and needs are not in alignment | | | | later, unhappiness hits us up side the head like a ton of |
| with yours, or if this has been an on-going issue, then it | | | | bricks. This is your life and you are in charge. It's time |
| is time to tell them how you feel. This conversation is | | | | to start directing the show, isn't it? |
| one that can be a challenge for sure. If it is a long-term | | | | As the song "If Today Were Your Last Day" says: |
| relationship with living arrangements, children, finances, | | | | Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth |
| and so forth involved, then obviously it is more of a | | | | the price is always worth the fight Every second |
| transition than a conversation. The crucial point is that | | | | counts cause there's no second try So live like you're |
| you begin the process. | | | | never living twice. Don't take the free ride in your own |
| If the unhealthy relationship is with yourself, with food, | | | | life. |