| Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications | | | | had just happened. The woman really was a dead |
| It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon. I was | | | | ringer for who I thought she was. |
| going to visit my girlfriend later in the day, but until then | | | | She responded with warm eyes and a feminine giggle. |
| it was time to run the usual slate of typical, mundane | | | | "So that's...IT...?", she said with one raised eyebrow and |
| errands. | | | | a motion of the hand to indicate continuation. I politely |
| Even though I was in a relationship at the time, I had | | | | ended the conversation there anyway, of course, |
| learned from my research on men and women that | | | | because I had a girlfriend, and returned to shopping. |
| 'style' was important-so I had some nice jeans and a | | | | But I was changed forever. |
| button down shirt on. My belt and my shoes matched, | | | | Why? |
| and I was in "Successful Guy Saturday Casual" mode. | | | | I had read time and again about how something like |
| After a quick trip to the post office and a stop at the | | | | 90% of men have some fear of approaching women. |
| bicycle shop, it was time to go to Target. I needed | | | | Furthermore, I had read about how the single most |
| several things, so I got a cart. | | | | important factor in GETTING OVER that fear is to |
| I had checked off toothpaste, light bulbs and a couple | | | | simply GO OUT AND MEET WOMEN. The problem is |
| items from the automotive department when I | | | | that most of the time we as guys can't get out of our |
| happened to see someone I knew at the end of the | | | | own way when doing so...assuming we get up the guts |
| aisle. I had only met her once, but she was a friend of | | | | to even try. |
| my girlfriend's. So I knew I had better say "hello". After | | | | So, in one brief exercise-and by TOTAL ACCIDENT-I |
| all, "making nice" with the girlfriend's friends is always a | | | | had unequivocally proven what it takes to successfully |
| plus. | | | | meet women. Ironically, the "success" was |
| She didn't appear to notice who I was, so as I reached | | | | OVERWHELMINGLY due to the fact that I wasn't |
| where she was I tapped her shoulder with the back of | | | | trying to "pick this woman up". |
| my hand and said (simply), "Hey!". She turned and | | | | So what's going on there? |
| responded back with a reciprocal "Hey!", with a warm | | | | Let's outline the key principles and components of that |
| smile and that classic "eyebrow flash" that the | | | | experience at the Target: |
| body-language books talk about. | | | | 1) I had started the day making sure I looked my best. I |
| "So it looks like even superheroes like you and I still | | | | was READY for an interaction with a woman...if not |
| have to shop for normal, everyday stuff at the Target, | | | | the woman at the Target. |
| right?", I said, noticing a few stray items in her shopping | | | | 2) I had NO HIDDEN AGENDA with this woman from |
| cart. | | | | a sexual perspective. There was nothing about my |
| "I suppose!", she acknowledged with a laugh. | | | | approach that caused her to put her guard up. I was |
| I continued with very typical small talk after that. As the | | | | just making normal conversation. As such, there was a |
| conversation continued, I started feeling something | | | | comfortable atmosphere surrounding the whole thing. |
| strange...if not downright creepy. | | | | 3) Based on the fact that I believed I already knew this |
| My girlfriend's friend, if my mind wasn't playing tricks on | | | | woman, I was 100% CONFIDENT that I wouldn't be |
| me, was starting to behave in a manner that I would | | | | flatly rejected when I spoke to her. Think about it. If |
| ALMOST call...FLIRTATIOUS. | | | | you behave as if you are sure that talking to someone |
| I was caught off guard. After all, if what I was seeing | | | | will be met with a positive response, you will not be |
| was really happening, it was COMPLETELY | | | | nervous or sketchy about it at all. |
| INAPPROPRIATE. After all, not only was I dating this | | | | 4) My "opener" with her was a simple "Hey!" with a |
| woman's friend...this woman was MARRIED! | | | | light, backhanded whack on the shoulder. No fancy, |
| So I maintained that 18" distance that social mores | | | | contrived "lines". |
| dictate is proper, while continuing with perfectly normal | | | | 5) This was not a bar or some other special "pick up |
| conversation. But soon, there was no denying the body | | | | joint". This was the TARGET! |
| language. She was clearly enjoying the interaction, and | | | | Bear in mind that this woman, although very beautiful, |
| eventually made a comment or two that were | | | | was not at all the type of woman I would ever see |
| unmistakably forward. | | | | myself approaching or see myself with. And consider |
| At this point I was going OUT OF MY WAY to not | | | | that it took virtually no direct effort to impress her. |
| appear romantically interested in return. Yet, I couldn't | | | | What appeared to "impress her" was the sincerity and |
| help the thoughts that were racing in my mind. This | | | | confidence portrayed in simply wanting to talk to her. |
| woman was CLEARLY ATTRACTED to me. On top | | | | THAT'S IT. |
| of the impropriety of it all, I was struck by the | | | | There is no doubt that this woman perceived my |
| IMPROBABILITY of it all. This woman was 15 years | | | | approach as being related to her being a woman and |
| my junior and at least FIVE INCHES TALLER than me! | | | | me being a man. Although I was not even close to |
| Now, let me level-set here. My girlfriend at the time | | | | who the "media" would match her up with, the |
| was a beautiful woman, and her friend was likewise | | | | combination of facility, confidence and a low-pressure |
| very attractive. So here we had a situation where a | | | | approach WORKED WONDERS. Ladies, that kind of |
| woman who was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL, and | | | | attitude is what you look forward to when it comes to |
| indeed not one of the ones I would immediately picture | | | | men approaching you, is it not? Don't shout me down |
| going after a guy like me, was UNQUESTIONABLY | | | | for telling the truth! |
| INTERESTED. | | | | After that day, I made sure that my "accidental |
| At that point I realized that this conversation needed to | | | | discovery" became firmly embedded into my |
| end...and SOON, for obvious reasons. To that effect I | | | | conscience. After that, talking to any woman I |
| said, "Well, time to get back to shopping. But I'll tell [my | | | | want-anywhere-has been all about considering her |
| girlfriend's name] you said 'hello'." | | | | someone I already know, and affording her the simple |
| There was a slight pause. Then a quizzical look from | | | | respect that goes along with it. No woman has ever |
| the woman. | | | | been a "stranger", ever since. |
| "Uh...who's [my girlfriend's name]?", she wondered. I | | | | Guys: If you have any trepidation at all when it comes |
| looked back with an equally querulous expression. | | | | to meeting a woman you find attractive, learn from this |
| "...Aren't you Jennifer?" | | | | lesson and I assure you your life will be radically |
| "Um...nooooooo...my name is Felicia." | | | | transformed. You have the ability to meet any woman |
| With my mind racing in several different directions, I | | | | you choose to. Make it so. |
| happened to look down and noticed there was no ring | | | | Ladies: Here's to more guys learning what I learned |
| on her left hand. | | | | that day. |
| I spontaneously laughed, and explained to her what | | | | |